My love is a life taker
12.09.05 - 3:21 p.m.

Do you ever have so much to do that it just makes your stomach hurt? That is sort of how today is, but with trace amounts of sick still hanging around, too. Dead week is always the time when I decide I want to change my life path, and this week has involved plans to move to mexico and work in a resort making enough to get by sleeping on the beach in the summer, plans to move to france and work in a cafe as a desperately thin, black-dressed waitress who writes horrible poetry in between a million romances, plans to move to italy and basically drink wine and make love all day every day sometimes eating some bread, plans to go to colorado and make my way by being a ski instructor in the winter and a whitewaterraft guide in the summer...

And then I remember important details, like that I can't ski very well or that I can't white water raft, that I don't like writing poetry that maybe working in a resort would make me angry every day for the rest of my life and I don't want to wake up with sand in my hair. Maybe I'll bum off my parents and backpack around Europe for five years, except that I can't pack light, i like my laptop and my ipod and my gameboy and maybe some time away is what we all need and I don't give myself any because isn't that what i'm doing right now is working to get through school working hard and so i take five minute breaks every hour and freak out about the rest of my life and who's going to be in it and what i'm going to do. Last night's goal was to write write write short stories, that's all i wanted to do when i was younger and then and then i don't know what happened, but now i just want to survive.