Only Two Things bound to Soothe My Soul
04.13.05 - 12:13 a.m.

Day of Silence is tomorrow and I don't really know... I want to participate, just like I have for the past 4 years... I'm wondering when it will be unimportant to me. Right now, with the combination of how I'm living and who I'll see tomorrow, I really think impact of it will be really really minimal. I mean, the first year it was amazing. I was a senior in high school and it seemed like _everyone_ was on my side, there was one kid who talked smack and he was suspended immediately. Freshman year of college, it wasn't a feeling of solidarity- I didn't know anyone else who was doing it- it was more a sort of soldiering on, sort of keep on keeping on doing it for myself. Last year, BUST in that I'd heard that UNO's GALO had a program... but no one showed up. This year, as an officer of Alphabet Soup, it seems like I should have a grasp as to participation... but I would have liked to paper campus about it, use our banner space... I think I'll probably miss the breaking the silence tomorrow because of math, I might try to sneak out early if it's lame.

I guess it just hits too close to home right now. I feel silenced in Omaha, the people here... The community just isn't really around the way I feel it and see it in Iowa City. I guess one thing is where I live, it's so crazily sanctioned off from _college_normality_... It just seems like we should all be wearing sweater vests, no runs in my hose sensible pumps sleek smooth well put together formal resume attache case at my side riding my bicycle with wicker basket healthful lunch apples and boater hats.

I guess that the fact that I don't talk to a lot of people throughout my day lends to a feeling of isolation (big logic jump there, I know) so this event, this day where I'm silent, which used to be a big task and require lots of discomfort... now it hits way too close to home for me to really enjoy the exercise, the stretch. Now it's like "this is like every other day of my life."

Hopefully my outlook will be sunnier tomorrow. Sunnier weather would help...